The Casino; The Greatest Yet Most Depressing Place To Be


You’re driving down the highway with all your friends, heading down to the good ole casino. You feel it in your veins, lady luck is definitely on your side. You imagine yourself walking out of their with a six figure check, drinks in hand, and with lady luck grinding up on your Johnson. You pull in to the parking garage and fourty five minutes later you finally find a parking spot. “I was born a winner”, the phrase you repeat to yourself over and over as you walk towards the casino. As the elevator progresses down each floor you can feel the luck building up inside you as you slowly reach the casino floor. The elevator doors open and you’re greeted by flashing lights, ringing bells, people cheering, and indications that your life’s about to change.

Hours 1 & 2:

For the first two hours your playing all kind of slot machines and winning all kinds of money. Your money supply is down a little bit but you’re always coming back with some kind of bonus from the slot machines. You’re walking passed the table games seeing people jumping for joy as they just won $10,000 on their latest craps throw. The drinks are flowing as the waitresses are feeding you your favorite mixed cocktails at no charge. You sit down at the high roller slot machine, place a five dollar bet and hit for the $1000 jackpot. You look around and think, “I may just take my own private jet home.”

Hours 3 & 4:

Pretty much the same as the first two hours, except half of your money including your $1000 jackpot is gone and they’re doing the last call at the bar. You’re slightly frustrated but you think, “I still have a little over $500, I’m coming back.” You ask the waitress for another drink, slap a twenty dollar bill in the machine, and attempt to become the ballin ass gambler you envisioned on your way to the casino.

Hours 11 & 12:

You’ve got nothing but a nickel and some dryer lint in your pocket and you’ve already given handjobs to six separate homeless people outside of the casino just to have enough money for another spin on the high roller slot machine. You’ve maxed out all your credit cards and the only people left in the casino are the people who vacuum the floors. You’re smoking old cigarette butts out of the ashtrays next to the slot machines thinking, “You got this man. This next spin will land you in the winners circle.”

Hours 13 & 14:

You’re sitting outside the casino with your clothes looking all rugged. Your facial hair has grown significantly over the past 14 hours as you rock back and forth on the sidewalk of the casino. You have no way of getting home, your bank accounts drained, your credit cards are drained, and your friends left you there to die on the sidewalk. Someone walks by and admirably hands you a $50 bill as they pass by. They tell you, “Go home, take a shower, and eat a hot meal.” You hold the $50 bill up to the sun, stare at it with amazement, and tell yourself, “This is at least five more spins on the high roller slot!”

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