1. Addiction to Candy Crush to go away – Visions of colored candies crushing in my head has been driving me crazy for far too long and it needs to stop now. If I’m going to waste time on the Internet, it might as well be something more useful. Like Youtube.
2. Bitstrips to disappear from my newsfeed – They were kind of cool and funny at first but then they just got annoying and repetitive and stale real quick. Unfortunately, this trend seems to be lasting much longer than most facebook fads.
3. Talkboy – I’ve always wanted to be as clever as Kevin, and I’d be halfway there if I had a Talkboy. I was deprived as a child because I never got one when I asked for it for Christmas, so this would make up for it. How badass would it be if I could go to the gym and play it in front of some whore? “Hey bitch, your ass is fat!”
4. Never ending supply of Dunkin Donuts iced coffee – I’m addicted to it, especially during the summer, and I can never get it to taste like it does straight from the store when I try to make it by myself. I guess I could always try the Keurig iced coffee, but I don’t understand exactly what the difference is that makes those specially designed to make iced coffee. Something tells me that’s just a DD marketing ploy to get dumbasses to believe there’s actually a difference.
5. Dexter needs a new series finale. Anyone who’s lame enough not to watch Dexter, skip to number 5 so there will be no bitching about spoilers. There’s nothing wrong with a happy ending for a dark show. Argentina wouldn’t be that great for Dex, Hannah, and Harrison anyway because they’d be so far away from Deb and everyone at Miami Metro. Dexter went through a lot, especially with his wife being killed, and he deserves to have a happy ending. He always fought to make things work, living multiple separate lives as a serial killer, father, husband, brother, blood spatter analyst. Then he suddenly decided to just give up, giving the pathetic excuse that he’s hurting everyone in his life by being with them so in order to save Harrison and Hannah, he has to remove himself from their lives. It’s like the writers stole that ending straight out of The Butterfly Effect.
I think there’s a better chance of my newsfeed being cleared of bitching about the Phil Robertson controversy than bitstrips, and it’s more likely that Santa will visit Israel this Christmas than for most of the things on my list to happen, but a guy can dream, can’t he?
Fuck you all and to all a good night.