25 Days of Douchebaggery: Day 22: The Ghosts of Black Friday’s Past

Black-FridayAs the only female writing for Two Guys One Mic, I thought it was only fair to tell my stories of Black Friday’s past and all the crazy things I’ve seen and done over the past 10 years on Black Friday’s.  Black Friday is an excuse to act like total barbarians, dress up ridiculously (if you’re me) and beat the shit out of one another, Merry Christmas? It’s only fitting that we spend Thanksgiving together with our families, giving thanks to everything we have and everyone we have to then skip the pumpkin pie and head straight to your local mall to get the latest and greatest things at lower prices.

I feel like it’s only recently that stores have gone from opening at 3 AM or 5 AM to opening at 8 PM or 9 PM isn’t that ridiculous? I didn’t mind getting up at 4 AM with my mom and getting to the stores, but 8 PM on Thanksgiving? What’s the point? And even worse, usually the wonderful products these stores have on sale are limited to like 11 or 12 in each store, so if you really wanted that new TV for your husband or loved one, now you’re forced to get on line hours before and possibly miss Thanksgiving dinner in order to fulfill Christmas wishes, insane! But enough ranting from me about that.

blackfridaycrazyoldladyI haven’t been black Friday shopping in two years because I refuse to go out any time before it’s actually Friday, but I do remember back about 3-4 years ago when I sat outside of a target at 1 AM waiting for their 4 AM opening with a bunch of friends, absolutely freezing. The store was open and allowing customers in, but if you were online for a special deal, and at this time we were online for some bigger appliances for friends, you weren’t even allowed to get off the line and go to the bathroom. Once you entered the store and left your place in line, regardless if you were with a group of 25 people, security would not allow you back on the line. Basically, you had better hoped and prayed that you didn’t have to use the bathroom for the next 3 hours or you just wasted a lot of time and body heat. And the funny part was, the people in line weren’t even upset if someone left to use the bathroom and came back to the line, they were 100% more than willing to allow them back to their spot, security at the store was creating the entire problem.

Probably the best Black Friday story I have is also a target story, but from about 6 years ago. My mom and I woke up at 3:30 AM and got to our local target by 4:15 for their 5 AM opening. We wanted a new flat screen TV for my room and they were only like $119 dollars, at the time that was incredibly cheap for a 19” flat screen. We got out of the car and it was FREEZING! So my mom had us stay in the car until 4:55 in the heat, waiting for the store to open. The line was wrapped around the store almost twice by this time. Right at 5:00 AM when they opened the doors, my mom and I sprinted through an exit door and basically cut everyone waiting on line for hours. People were yelling and screaming at us, but we kept running straight to the TV’s. By the time we got to the electronics department there was 1 TV left and I ran up and grabbed it. Just as I was turning around to put it in mine and my mom’s cart a woman came up and pinched my arm REALLY hard and tried to take the TV from my hands.

black-friday-fightsMy mom wasn’t paying attention and I just looked at this women like she was insane, hit her with the TV in the hand, just as hard, and put it in my cart. I should also mention that I was dressed in all black, with chains on my pants, a black hoodie, a bright pink bandanna across my head, and black paint under my eyes like a football player. Why this woman decided she wanted to pinch me, as I was clearly insane, I’ll never understand. After I hit her, she like slithered away, and it turns out a security officer had seen the entire thing happen and was hysterically laughing. He came over to me and my mom and literally high-fived me for fighting back with the woman. Just goes to show that some people really are insane and the fact that black Friday is causing deaths every year, maybe we should re-evaluate the way we shop for Christmas in the upcoming years. Happy Shopping!

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