It’s the last Thursday in November. Most of us will be gathered around family and friends, consuming enough food and beverage to save most of the third-world countries from poverty and peril. After you’ve eaten your fourth helping of food and become lethargic in front of the TV, awaiting whatever shitty teams will declare battle against each other, there’s definitely something you shouldn’t be thinking about at this very moment: shopping. In just a few more hours, millions of shop hungry assholes will gather outside their store of choice, anticipating the best deals of the year. They will betray their fellow man and woman, all with the hopes of scoring scoring big, saving unspecified amounts. But that is tomorrow. For all the people who must work tomorrow and do not enjoy an extended weekend with loved ones, today is their last breath before the holiday plunge. And all of that is about to go to shit because of you.
Well, maybe not all of you. There are still the select few that will take a moment and be thankful for the things they already have and those in their lives that make the difference. Then there are the rest of you. Those who will be lining up this afternoon and evening in front of the stores that insist on skull fucking you with the holidays as soon as possible. Hell, if it wasn’t for Thanksgiving, the onslaught of Christmas douchebaggery would have started the day after Halloween. We’re bombarded with ad after ad and flyer upon flyer, promising door-busting deals and the hope of saving some loot on presents for others (but most likely yourself). Black Friday is a phenomenon that I’ll never quite understand but it’s become ingrained within our society so I’ll refrain from bitching too much about a day where Americans acquire such a large amount of debt in a single day.
What is rather alarming to me is how many people are being forced to work on the one holiday that I find to be the most unconditional. You don’t even have to be American to celebrate a reason to gather among the people you actually give a damn and be grateful for what you have in life, large or small (insert dick joke). For many people today, they will be uprooted and transplanted from in front of the couch you’re currently sprawled out on. They’ll barely have enough time to pack up leftovers that they may or may not have the time to enjoy on their short, inadequate break later this evening and into the overnight. Stores like Best Buy and Target see the need to further boost their profits by completely shitting on Thanksgiving, as if causing chaos and carnage tomorrow wasn’t bad enough. Let us not forget the poor bastard that was trampled to death, opening the doors just a few short years ago. So where do all of you come into play with all of this? Just stay the fuck home tonight. Take a stand, chill by the wayside and decide to relax for just another evening. We may not be able to do anything for the people that have to work today and tonight aside sparing them from seeing your stupid face of joy because you saved $50 on a toy for your shitty kid.
Today is one of the few days you can redeem yourself and be nice to your fellow man. Actually, it’s one day I would say it’s expected and appreciated. The sad realization is that most of us have more than we will ever possibly need. Not to say that it should make those of us that worked hard for our pleasures feel overbearingly guilty. The absolute least we can do today and responsible consumers and decent human beings is let those, who have no other choice but to work on a day that they rather have to themselves in a quiet room or surrounded by the joy of their flatulent and drunk family, have an easier night behind their cash registers or in their stock rooms. Tomorrow they’ll be cleaning up your messes and answering your stupid questions about what’s on sale and who they have to stab to get it.
Be thankful for the shit you already have,