Hurricane Sandy thought she was going to come into my state and start some shit but I showed her whose boss!! I went outside to take a piss in her face but then she whipped it back with her stupid strong winds and blew it back on my pants. Fucking bitch Sandy but that’s over with now and I have my power back so I’m back on the boob tube.
Before Mother Nature decided to make the whole North East coast her bitch I was watching “The Walking Dead” and watching all these people on Facebook post about it and it got me thinking, what other show cultivated a crazy cult following that people would have water cooler talks about and then it just magically popped in my head, “Lost.” The ending of that show sucked balls though and then that notion got me thinking more, what other TV show had shitty endings. Let’s take a trip down memory lane to TV world where we revisit great TV shows that broke our hearts with crap-ass finales.
Back when I was just a little smart-ass and not fully grown into the awesomeness that I am today I used to watch ABC’s “TGIF” run which ran a show called “Dinosaurs.” Dinosaurs are pretty cool but ABC totally domesticated them and made them lame. Yeah I know I said I watched it but I was just a dumb kid. Basically “Dinosaurs” was a typical “American” family of dinosaurs, there was the hard working and bumbling dad, the straight laced mom, the jock older son, the annoying middle sister and the scene stealing baby. It was like “Family Guy” but with dinosaurs. Well now you’re thinking how this show’s finale can suck, it’s a family show nothing bad ever happens. If you know your history you know that things don’t end well for the dinosaurs. Yeah, ABC spends four years getting you attached to these lovable dinosaurs and then kills their giant reptilian asses in the shows last episode. In a crazy way to teach kids about being environmental responsible, the dinosaurs don’t take care of the planet and bring about an ice-age that wipes their asses out. Way to go ABC.
The show that maybe started all these crazy TV show endings, “St. Elsewhere,” definitely ranks as one of the worst television show finales of all time. “St. Elsewhere” is a medical drama that ran during the 80s and besides being infamous for having a crappy ending; it’s also well known for starring a pre-movie star Denzel Washington. “St. Elsewhere” was about a hospital that wasn’t really that great of a hospital, hence the St. Elsewhere nickname (that’s medical slang for all you non-doctors). This show is widely regarded as one of the best TV shows ever. So how does a beloved TV show end up on the crappy endings list? By making the whole fucking show pointless. The last episode reveals that there is no St. Elsewhere hospital or Denzel or anything like that. You see, the last few minutes of the episode play out like this; there’s a nice shot of the hospital with snow falling during a winter day and the camera pans out and pans out and keeps panning out until the big secret, St. Elsewhere is inside of a fucking snow globe! Viewers must have thought “holy shit what the hell is going on?” Maybe giant aliens captured the hospital and put it in a snow globe? Nope, even better. The entire show was a figment of some retarded kids imagination but this wasn’t just any kid, it was the main doctor character’s son. The hits don’t stop there, it turns out he’s not even a doctor but a construction worker. Holy crap, NBC just mind fucked everyone big time
New Jersey, even though we just got butt-fucked by Hurricane Sandy we’re known for some pretty awesome TV. I mean seriously, we all know “Jersey Shore” is a guilty pleasure, “Jerseylicious” shows us the cattiness of working in a Jersey salon, “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is easily the best show of that series and the original Jersey show, “Sopranos.” It’s been a while since “Sopranos” has been mentioned. The finale did two things, one it caused a fucking riot among show faithful and second it caused Journey to have a revival. (Not gonna lie, Journey rocks but the producers could have used a better song from them). All the fuss lies within the shows final seconds. Before I even jump into that, let’s recap the show a bit. Ok we all know Tony Soprano is a fucking OG who runs shit in Jersey who has problems and sees a shrink and all kinds of other crap. One of the biggest beefs with the show was how freaking long it took to get to the final episode. The last two seasons covered three years. THREE FUCKING YEARS FOR 34 EPISODES!! That’s extreme but fans figured that he payoff was going to be awesome. So what happens in the last episode for Tony and family? No one fucking knows because the show just cuts to black while rocking out to “Don’t Stop Believin.” Yes, that’s it. They’re sitting in a diner waiting for Meadow and then nothing, zip, zilch, nada. Whatever happens to Tony is left to our imagination. I like to think that Tony leaves his family and hops on a flying unicorn that shoots rainbows out of its ass going across the country righting the wrongs of the defenseless, Jersey style.
Now for the show that inspired this article, “Lost.” From the opening moments of the show I was hooked, spending countless hours reading about what the smoke monster is, or analyzing pictures of Jacob in his cabin. Yeah I was a lost junkie. “Lost” is the show that confused us with countless mysteries, everything that was introduced was a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma. There were so many mysteries that it’s a little confusing just thinking about it, I mean EVERYTHING was a damn question that needed to be solved. That’s what made the show fun to watch though. “Lost” was also a show with a giant ensemble cast, some we liked (Jack, Locke, Sawyer) and some we didn’t (Kate, Shannon, Kate). So the producers kept everybody hooked by trying to figure out the mysteries of the island. The island itself was a character and the most interesting one at that. So what does the last episode do, basically gives us a big “go screw you” because the show was never about the island, it was about the characters. All that mystery crap was wrapped up in fucked up little ball that never really resolved anything, or at least never made sense. If you watched the show because you wanted to see Jack and Kate hook up then the last episode was heaven, if you wanted to understand everything that the producers through at you since the first episode you were totally fucked. Let us not forget that “Lost” was a show that inspired a college class because it was so damn confusing. Not only did the last episode present to us that the show was about the characters, it also let us know that during the whole last season the “flash sideways” we were seeing was the characters in the afterlife. So we find out that they’re dead and don’t even see how they die. Lame. “Lost” was a disappointment, plain and simple. People like me think that the producers were just making this shit up as they went along and that’s why the show got so damn confusing, but like me you’d be wrong. ABC screws us over once again.
There are so many more that suck. Drop a comment about any crappy tv show endings that piss you off!!