“Oh come on America, you know what I meant with the whole rape thingie…”

“Hi America, I’m Todd Akins and I’m a complete asshole.”

It’s official, the stupidest fucking sentence in human history was spoken and to no one’s surprise it came from a politician. When asked about abortion, Todd Akin the Republican nominee for the Missouri Senate, said in instances of “legitimate” rape, a woman’s body can block an unwanted pregnancy.

Thank about that shit for a minute. A legitimate rape, you know, as opposed to an illegitimate rape, is exactly what? Is a legitimate rape the same as statutory rape? Akin’s probably doesn’t even know what the fuck he meant by that.

According to Webster’s, the definition of legitimate is to make lawful or be legally compliant. Rape is defined as the crime of forcing somebody to have sexual intercourse with somebody. So if rape is against the law and legitimate means to comply with the law, Akin must think rape is actually legal. What a big brain fuck this whole crap is and it’s not even the craziest shit he said.

Moving past the whole legitimacy of rape thing is his idea of women being able to block unwanted pregnancies. Apparently Akins lives in some distant galaxy far, far away with the rest of the fucking rebellion where women can use their Jedi powers to destroy the Death Star and stop themselves from getting pregnant. What kind of retard is Akins to even think that? I mean come on dude, really? If women could stop themselves from getting pregnant you never would have been asked about abortion in the first place dickhead.

“God dammit I still don’t care about poor people, next question!”

The bigger problem here is the fact that Akin is a Tea Party member who is now being asked by every Republican under God’s yellow sun to step the fuck down.  Well that’s not really the problem; the problem is the amount of stupid shit that comes out Republicans mouths. To be fair I’m not even going to mention the thousand and one stupid things former president George W. Bush said. But let’s take this little statement from presidential hopeful Mitt Romney “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” Considering that 99 percent of America constitutes as poor, probably not the smartest thing to say. Romney doesn’t want to actually be the president because it’s a shit job anyway, he just wanted to say dumbshit and have it make national news because everyone in Massachusetts feels the same way he does.

Our very own New Jersery governor Chris Christie can’t escape this list either. Take this gem for instance, “People would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights…” This was in response to marriage rights for homosexuals. Wonderful idea, let’s compare two gay guys getting married to colored people being treated as actual people. The problem with Christie is his girth has its own gravitational pull which keeps him orbiting a planet called “Super Stupid.”

If you look close enough you can see an asteroid belt around his waist.

Former presidential candidate Rick Santorum said this about global warming “I’ve never even supported the hoax of global warming.” Well alrighty then. Global warming must be the work of warlocks and alchemists because scientific facts just don’t cut it for him. I have to admit though, I’d much rather have a guy who believes Dungeons & Dragons are real running for president than someone who doesn’t like poor people.

In case you missed the point here, all of these guys are conservatives. Maybe a requirement to be a Republican is you must possess the ability to say stupid shit at a moment’s notice. These people value the values of 1950’s America. You know, when America was wholesome. And it appears bursting at the seams with stupid shit to say.

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