Ten Things You Shouldn’t Do At Shows.

When I’m not slaving over a register or on-air at Brave New Radio, there’s pretty much only one other place you can find me, at a show. Whither it’s local or huge, I love going to shows. I’ve been a show junkie since 2004, meaning I’ve seen some weird things. I’ve come up with a list of ten things, which most of you will probably agree, are inappropriate behavior at any sort of show for guys and chicks alike.

1. Girls, don’t fucking wear heels. I don’t know what kind of event you think this is, but most of the time you’re gonna be standing for quite a few hours and there’s a good chance you’re gonna be pushed around. Why on earth would you think wearing your highest hooker heels would be a good idea? Actually, please, continue wearing them and let me trip the fuck outta you.

2. Complain that people are touching you. You’re at a SHOW, with 1000’s of other people. Did you expect 50 feet of your own personal space? If you can’t handle it, get the fuck outta the pit.

3. Disrespect the Artist. If you don’t like the opening act or whoever it is you’re watching, don’t you dare disrespect what they’re doing. Especially if it’s an acoustic act and he or she is not that loud to begin with, you having the loudest conversation of your life makes me want to break your jaw.

4. Crowd Surf down the sides of the stage. There is a reason people like me stand off to the side. I don’t want your feet, ass, tits, balls, etc in my face as I’m trying to see whatever band I over-paid to see. If you want to crowd surf, please, be my guest, just there’s a place for that and it’s down the middle.

5. Bring your small children up to the barricade. I went to an All Time Low show at the Stone Pony back in December 0f 2007 and my best friend and I got there ridiculously early in order to secure a spot in front. At this time, All Time Low was semi-big, but not huge. This older woman brought her two 9 year old girls to see the band and were first in line to be right in front. FIRST MISTAKE. We ended up standing right behind them and during one of the opening acts, pushing ensued. Well, this bitch went fucking nuts and started elbowing me in the stomach as if I was the only person in the room pushing everyone, when in fact I wasn’t moving at all. She was screaming at me to protect her children while giving me a week long bruise on my ribcage.

6. Pretty much have sex with your significant other in front of me. I don’t want to see you and your boyfriend or girlfriend exchanging sperm while I’m trying to listen to my favorite song. Simple as that.

7. Scream/sing horrendously in my ear drum. Please, I encourage you to sing your heart out. It’s what shows are for! But if you’re flapping your mouth around like a dying seal in my ear? I’m probably going to kill you. I don’t need to go deaf from your screeching.

8.  Get drunk to the point of needing to puke your brains out in the pit. Do what you want to enjoy the show your own way, pre-game, smoke whatever, do whatever, I don’t care. If you’re drunk enough that you’re throwing up all over everyone, you’re a mess. That isn’t what this is about, go back to your skanky college parties if that’s what you’re into, don’t come into something I paid for and ruin my night cause you can’t handle your shit.

9. Flash your camera in my eyeballs every 5 seconds. Don’t get me wrong, if it’s a band I really enjoy, I’m going to bring my camera too. If you’re taking a picture of the lead singer of this band 35 times a minute, I’m going to go blind. What’s the need for 324 pictures of some dude sweaty and singing?

10. Bringing your parents with you to shows. I’ve said this since the day I started going to shows and I will never go back on it, if you’re not old enough to attend a show on your own, you shouldn’t be going. I always found my own ways to shows, whither it was older friends or whatever, but never did I bring my parents with me to a show. I have a problem when you’re 6’4″ father is standing in front of me cause you want to be in the front.

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