What’s Killing Video Games? (Part 1)

Video games have come a long way since the days of hard disks and bulky cartridges that you would have to occasionally blow into to get them to work. Whether you are a casual gamer through a console or now, a handheld mobile device, times are changing fast. Some for the better, others not so much. We all know what we love about video games and quite frankly there are too many points to make in that respect. So, not being known for my optimism, I’ll be focusing on the things that are ruining video games. Those key factors that, in their absence, would make every aspect of gaming perfect.


We’ll start with a factor that is relatively new (the past 5 years) in the world of video games for many of us: in-game chatting. Sure, this element has been alive and well for many PC gamers for a few years ahead of those on consoles, but nevertheless, the ability to talk to members of the same or opposing team usually ends in someone being called a “faggot” or “garbage” over and over just enough to justify putting your controller through your TV. Sure, those team based MMORPG’s or FPS games do, from time to time, require teamwork. And that nifty headset you are wearing is meant to be used in a civil manner to communicate with teammates to complete a common goal. But what goes on in pre and post game lobbies is ridiculous. Aside from the social environment individuals can share with friends and like-minded gamers, there is little to like about being told you suck huge horse dick by a group of over weight preteens that will achieve little in life other than collecting unemployment and spending it on Mountain Dew.
You and your asshole offspring playing video games
Let’s face it, kids are assholes. Teenagers are even worse. All of us, some time in our lives, have been subject to their torture, whether it was being bullied by kid whose name you’ll never mention again or just through unfortunate daily human interaction. Either way, they all manage to find their way into every game and ruin fun for the rest of everyone on the planet. And I’m not just talking about video games. Have you ever tried playing a civilized game of Monopoly with a 10-year-old? The vast majority of us rather jump naked into a pool full of piranha, but that’s besides the point. These little bastards think they are privileged just because they grew up in the digital age and were handed technology right out of the womb. And to be fair (which I hate doing), not every single teen is a chode, but there are enough of them shitting in the pool to ruin it for the rest of us.
This is the kind of game your douchey kid should be playing
And while I’m on the topic of kids, they only share a part of the blame. Parents are a huge issue when it comes to video games of all shapes and sizes. So many problems exist, I can probably write an entire post just on them. So, in the interest of not getting too out of control, I’ll just say this. It is a parents responsibility to moderate the types of media that their offspring is exposed to. And I know there is no real way to ensure your kids won’t stumble upon Debbie Does Dallas XXI or Two Girls, One Cup, but knowing shit like that (pun intended) exists helps. But when I come home from a long days work and can’t wait to crank on some Call of Duty, Battlefield or any other game intended for mature audiences, I rather not here little Ralphy tell me the amount of balls I suck. And if you happen to be one of those parents who thinks “my child would never use language like that” then you’re just straight up retarded. Please use common sense. Because chances are they have already, on several occasions, told myself and The PHAT Man that we are raging homosexuals.


I swear to god I’ll fucking mute you,

Jersey John


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