New Jersey Earthquake; Is Chris Christie The Cause?

On Tuesday, 8/24/11, here in New Jersey we experienced what was described as the “after shock” of an earthquake that occured in Maryland. Our lab of scientists (totally not certified in any way) have taken a second glance at the cause of this event and it so happens to be that our obese and annoying governor, Chris Christie, was indeed the cause of this geological occurrence. How is he the cause? Well here are our theories…


Jump Rope Training

Chris Christie may have started his journey to weight loss (if that’s even possible) by dong some jump rope training. Upon making his first jump the weight of his body making contact with the earth could have caused fault lines to shift and crack aka the occurrence of an earthquake.

Dance Dance Revolution

Chris Christie may have indeed been trying to play a quick game of Dance Dance Revolution. Accidentally setting the game difficulty level to “expert” and 10x speed could have caused his heart to race making him move faster. The weight of his feet  hitting the dance pad + the speed at which he was moving could have easily triggered an earthquake.

Intense Game of Hopscotch

Our last theory is the most logical one of them all. Chris Christie may have indeed been involved in a very intense game of hopscotch which involves multiple jumps being made.  Once again, his one ton body making contact with the earth (multiple times) could have very well caused the earthquake as well as throwing the Earth off it’s axis.

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