Movies That Don’t Suck: Captain America: The First Avenger

There are so many blockbuster movies that come out that the masses piss there money away on. Alien movies, war stories and the mother of them all…super hero films. One can say the modern sense of the super hero movie started with the X-Men back in 2000. And after all the fanboys got done creaming in their pants over the first two movies, The Last Stand came and shit on everyone’s parade.

Since then, movie-goers have seen the best of the best (e.g. SpiderMan 1 & 2, Iron Man, The Dark Knight) and the worst of the worst (e.g. The Hulk, Origins: Wolverine, Spiderman 3). So it comes as no shocker that many, myself included, became skeptical of Captain America. Sure, Chris Evans hasn’t sucked in anything since The Fantastic Four’s poor attempt at entertaining autistic children. But it came as a huge surprise that this movie actually kicked a significant amount of ass.

Without giving a whole lot away, the film starts off briefly in modern time, finding a frozen Captain America in an aircraft that had apparently crash landed. Rewind that bitch about 6o years or so and the U.S. is already balls deep in WWII. The military then finds Steve Rogers, injects him with Unicorn semen and then BAM!, Captain America is born. Awesomeness ensues. Hardcore Capt. enthusiasts will even get to witness the appearance of Dum Dum Dugan.

You’ll be relieved to know this film is supported by an actual cast, instead of reject teen stars they can pay in Ramen noodles and Canadian pennies. Hugo Weaving kicks some serious ass as The Red Skull, Tommy Lee Jones plays his usual stone-faced self as Colonel Chester Phillips. Shit, even Stanley Tucci does an awesome job. And, as I’m sure you’re all aware, Sameul L. Jackson kicks in the mutha fuckin door and says some shit about S.H.I.E.L.D.

So overall, definitely a superhero action flick to check out.  Solid acting, decent special effects and you don’t leave feeling like you just got held up by the Box Office yet again. Oh, and if you’re looking for more explosions than a low-budget porno, just stay home (and watch a low budget porno).

The Good: Stays true to the comic, great story and Dum Dum Dugan’s mustache saves the day.

The Bad: Special effects aren’t the greatest thing since Muppets in Space but they do the job. And The Avengers trailer at the end was kind of shitty. There I said it.

Please shut your damn face during the movie,

Jersey John

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